He finally agreed to the separation. He's not living at home.
But, we are still working on our marriage.
This weekend, he went to visit his friends and his parents and claims that he told them all everything. But really, I don't know what he's told them. I can't control that so, I guess I have to let it go.
I know he's texting his brother all of the time now. The same brother who said that he couldn't believe that I wouldn't stay with Dave while he's trying to get better, and who knows what else that MF'er said. It makes me all stabby.
He came home yesterday and spent time with us. We went to church, which we really, really liked. He really is on his best behavior and saying the right things.
I let him stay at home last night, sleeping in the playroom. He wants to come home and stay for good. But, I don't know. I mentioned him staying at the house this week so that we can get it ready for our son's birthday sleep-over that's happening this weekend. He's now asked if I meant that or if he needs to leave. I don't know.
While I'm not happy in my marriage, I realized that I'm not happy alone either. But, my kids are thrilled when he's there.
I was honest and told him that I cannot and will not put my whole heart into this marriage until I know that he will not hurt me like that ever again. We can fight and have disagreements, but he cannot hurt me. I honestly do not know when I will be able to trust that. Or, even if I ever will.
So, that's where we are.
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Oh, so he behaved himself and is being nice? So then he CAN control his behavior? Seems like that is the exact opposite of what he's been claiming to date.
ReplyDeleteNo one likes to be alone at first and of course it sucks, but I made the choice a long time ago that I would rather be by myself and alone than with someone and lonely.
You tell him if he's really serious about working things out, then he needs to suck it up and find somewhere to stay. I know it's probably embarassing for him, but too bad. Also, you note how quickly he goes from being super nice when he wants something to back to being a jackass that he 'can't control' when he doesn't get his way.
You are in a very hard place right now. Only you can know what's right for right now. Just promise that you will keep your eyes open and do not let him mentally and emotionally attack you.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing that you can do is to be honest with him, be honest with the kids, and most of all, be honest with yourself.
I've said this before, sometimes being honest is saying "I don't have the answer. Let's just do this one minute, hour, day at a time."
I don't have the answer, but as I said, being alone is better than dealing with bullshit on the daily. For reals.
ReplyDeleteThey CAN control their behavior to get what they want. They will be nice, and then turn back into their asshole selves.
I will tell you this: my personal wall is a million feet high right now. Period. Good luck to EVERY MAN in my life breaking that shit down (except for Nik). They are all (well, the two I have to deal with) giving me grief.
So yeah, tacos for me next time.
Just be strong. I love you!