He promised to get better.
He promised to not make me cry anymore.
He promised to never accuse me of cheating.
He promised to stop checking the cell phone bill to determine who I've been texting and when.
All of that flew out the window last night. Long story short, he was upset because I wasn't going to give him oral sex while I'm on my period. And this turned into me "not caring" about him. This turned into his going into the cell phone bill to determine who I've been texting and when. Which, of course, turned into his accusing me of sleeping with a co-worker. This turned into a confrontation.
We were already arguing about his making plans for our family vacation without asking/notifying me. He was making plans with his brother and his family. We went to Disney with them last year, and we were both so completely miserable that he swore that we would never do it again. Yet, there he was. Making plans with his brother. And, I put my foot down. I am NOT going. I won't do it again. If he wants to go and be miserable, he can. But I'm not. He says he wants to because his parents are going this time. So it will be worse. We will be miserable - but unable to say anything in an effort not to "upset" his mother. Heaven forbid.
Then the real fight started. And yet again, I ended up crying in the shower.
I tried to go and sleep with my son - in an effort to get away from him and not argue with him. Of course, he went in there screaming - BEGGING me to come out and talk to him. Waking up my son who asks me: "Mom, please go talk to dad." Nice.
Long story short, I'm done. He's not changing. He's not stopping his old habits. And I refuse to live this way. I don't have to, and I won't.
He can go and be miserable somewhere else.
Except now he's calling me. Texting me. Begging me to go to lunch with him today. Begging me not to give up on him.
What he doesn't understand is this: I gave him and this everything. And he stomped on me. Just as I knew he would.
And I don't think I can get passed it. I cannot hear him say "I'm sorry" again. I just can't.
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I don't even know how to respond. I honestly have tears in my eyes because I wish this could be fixed, but I KNOW how over it you are.
ReplyDeleteI bet he texts people with whom he works. I bet he texts women to whom he isn't related. He's texted ME before. Does that mean I'm sleeping with him?
I so understand wanting the comfort of sleeping with your kid. I have been there.
Take what happened last night to your next counseling appointment. He needs to take repsonsibility for this. And saying he's sorry isn't taking responsibility, and doesn't fix it. They all think it does, but it doesn't.
Oh honey, this hurts my heart. :( If only he could understand just how much his words and actions hurt you, time and time again. Once it's out there, a 'sorry' won't take it back.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kami that you should take all this to counseling, but I understand that even though he'll be held accountable and be sorry once again, that doesn't mean he's going to make any real effort to change.
(((HUGS)))
I read once that if you continue the same behaviors and expect a different outcome, this is called insanity. We expect him to say he's sorry this time AND MEAN IT; just like we did all the other times.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely take this to counseling. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
So many will come with so much advice. In the end you will need to do what is right for YOU! Just know that your wall of friends will stand strong with you no matter what!